I would totally be like, “Ow!”
I don’t know why trains entering tunnels make people think of sex. I mean, penises are a lot smaller than trains and my vagina wasn’t blasted out of rock.
Author: Marie Pierce
And Then there’s less Customers!
My work requires me to push shopping Carts, so I make time to enjoy it, which usually entails me recreating some of my favorite parts of GTA IV including making cars noises when I’m ramming my carts in to people and Cars, Coming to work drunk and walking like a zombie, Speaking Russian, and punching [...]
Remember when I’m gone.
When I die, I want my family to have my skeleton dipped in gold and hung up on a cross in our living room. Except i want one hand to be nailed, and the other reaching out toward everyone. They’ll probably use me as a coat rack.
Author: Daniel Rucker
It’s an especially good day when there is a shooting
As an icecream truck man, I keep a sharp eye out for house fires and drug busts in the inner city area. Crowds gather around the police tape to watch the carnage and destruction. I sell more icecream here in a few hours than I do in a week.
Author: Jenwa Beaupré
The grass is always greener on my side of the fence
When I make my enemies cry, I always ask for their tears in a jar so that I can take them home and add to my “sorrow pail”. I use it to water my lawn on weekends.
Author: Robert Young
The rest are about you.
72% of my dreams involve cocane and Justin Timberlake.
Author: Evan Cheadle
Example Entry
If Phil Jackson ever asks me to play point guard for him, I’ll tell him that I’d really like to be a part of SOMETHING SPECIAL. So if he thinks I can help, I’ll do what I can. BUT I’M NOT PLAYING EVERY GAME.
Author:A spoonful weighs a ton