When I die, I want my family to have my skeleton dipped in gold and hung up on a cross in our living room. Except i want one hand to be nailed, and the other reaching out toward everyone. They’ll probably use me as a coat rack.

Author: Daniel Rucker

As an icecream truck man, I keep a sharp eye out for house fires and drug busts in the inner city area. Crowds gather around the police tape to watch the carnage and destruction. I sell more icecream here in a few hours than I do in a week.

Author: Jenwa Beaupré

When I make my enemies cry, I always ask for their tears in a jar so that I can take them home and add to my “sorrow pail”.  I use it to water my lawn on weekends.

Author: Robert Young

72% of my dreams involve cocane and Justin Timberlake.

Author: Evan Cheadle

If Phil Jackson ever asks me to play point guard for him, I’ll tell him that I’d really like to be a part of SOMETHING SPECIAL. So if he thinks I can help, I’ll do what I can. BUT I’M NOT PLAYING EVERY GAME.

Author:A spoonful weighs a ton